


Week One at Geez Louise

by orphan_account



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Aged up characters, Character Death, F/M, Future Fic, Gay Marriage, Illicit Drug Sales, M/M, Machiavellian Louise, Medical Conditions, Money laundering, Multi, Next Generation, Polyamory, Trans romance, child birth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 08:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Enter Louise Belcher, entrepreneur and Calvin Fischoeder’s favorite person. She buys and owns the restaurant while her father Bob and husband Rudy do all the work. Life goes on as the establishment once known as Bob’s Burgers becomes Geez Louise, a restaurant that’s seen more action in one week than most places will ever see in a lifetime. Everything from the seductive lure of night life, to the miracles of life, love, and childbirth, Geez Louise is the ultimate family restaurant. Conveniently located on Ocean Avenue.





	Week One at Geez Louise

\-----------------------------

WONDERS OF THE WHARF  
\-----------------------------

  
On the Rag Since 1951!  
  
**“Geez Louise" What is That?**  
  
**By JOCELYN (last name withheld)**  
**Staff Writer**  
  
OCEAN AVENUE - Remember that totally run down borefest that was once Bob’s Burgers? Me neither. The doors are closing on Bob’s Burgers, ushering in a new lunchtime era on Ocean Avenue.  
  
“That Louise Belcher is a shrewd business woman,” said Calvin Fischoeder, who will now be renting out the space to Louise Belcher. “Bob owed me six months in back rent. Not only did Louise cover that, but she outbid all other takers. Incredible!”  
  
“How did I get the money? None of your business. Good and bye,” said Louise Belcher, right. She is pictured wearing a black dress frock, pink bunny ears, and counting a wad of money.  
  
“I can’t wait to get started,” said Rudolph Steiblitz-Belcher, husband of Louise. “Due to my medical condition, I have yet to hold down a steady job. Louise has really kept this ship afloat.”  
  
“My sister is an entrepreneur and a people person,” said Tina Belcher, sister of Louise. “I know she’ll do well in carrying on dad’s legacy.”  
  
“I always knew Louise would inherit the restaurant,” said Bob Belcher. “I can’t say I approve of the new name. It has been my restaurant for over twenty years, and I still cook here. She doesn’t even pay me.”  
  
“Oh, Bob? Him and Lin get room and board,” said Louise. “Though I see his point about the name. I didn’t choose Geez Louise. It chose me. I originally wanted to call the place Kill of the Day Diner, to go with It's Your Funeral Home and Crematorium to our right and Heidi’s Hospice to our left. It’s thematic!”  
  
“The name Geez Louise came to me in a dream,” said Gene Belcher, Louise’s large brother. “It was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up!”  
  
JOCELYN (last name withheld) is a student at Wagstaff Community College earning her Associate degree in General Studies. She has lived in the bi-county area all her life and has quote “totally seen some things.”  
  
\----------------------------------------  
Wonder Wharf Publications LLC  
\----------------------------------------  
  
Monday: Surprise, Bob!  
  
Louise and Rudy entered their new restaurant and 4:30 in the morning. It was going to be a thing now, serving coffee and breakfast to the locals, because this was the place to be. It was the place to be because Louise insisted. She got clients from her other practices on board. The One-Eyed Snakes and the Transgender community were already regulars, but now they were vouching for the restaurant on social media, which needed to be a thing ten years ago. Those were the days when Louise in the others sabotaged Bob’s efforts to advertise more than help. Good times.  
  
“Rise and shine, father. Eggs and bacon, let’s get shakin’,” said Louise, barging into Bob and Linda’s bedroom without knocking. They used to lock their door. Now they accept that Louise, under no circumstances, can be kept out.  
  
“Louise, the sun isn’t even up yet,” said Bob. Linda was still snoring.  
  
“I’ve got sex workers lined up outside ready for breakfast. And by breakfast I mean supper, though breakfast is what’s for supper, at least until 11. Every day, we do eggs in every way. Geeeeeez Louise!”  
  
“All right, all right. I’ll get dressed. Put the coffee on.”  
  
“Ooo. I dunno, father. I haven’t quite decided if I’m charging employees for coffee yet,” said Louise.  
  
“Louise...”  
  
“Mmm hmm. While your argument in favor of free coffee for employees is compelling, I'm afraid I'm too busy to give it any thought at the moment," said Louise, taking out her smartphone. “But I'll definitely pencil that in as a m-a-y-b-e." She glanced at the app that said Notes, but selected the App that said Candy Crush instead.  
  
As she headed out the door, Rudy said, “Oh, she’s just kidding, pop. Coffee’s already on.”  
  
“Thanks, Rudy,” said Bob, searching for his pants. Linda continued to saw logs. Her participation in Bob’s Burgers, well, Geez Louise was not as common anymore, because she no longer had three crazy kids to wrangle while Bob did the cooking. She spent much of her time exploring town, taking (legal) odd jobs here and there, and helping Gretchen sell adult toys at conventions and over the Internet. She filled much of her time with other non-restaurant activities too, such as sleeping during the breakfast rush. These weren’t business savvy ideas, though, so Louise didn’t bother keeping a leash on Linda quite like she kept one on Bob.  
  
Speaking of Bob, he was not at all comfortable with the sudden and recent power shift in the Belcher family and was mulling over it in the shower. His restaurant always hung on by a thread. He charged a fair price for the quality of the ingredients that he used and made the food that he believed it. It wasn't always popular, but there were enough folks who appreciated it and kept coming back for more. Even Mr. Fischoeder stopped in for a burger every now and then, but his patience with Bob’s rent blunders grew terribly thin this time around. Six months was the farthest Bob ever had to push it, and that wound up being the last nail in the coffin.  
  
Then, out of nowhere, Louise had the money to save the family business. His youngest daughter, not to mention the most mischievous person he knew. Where she got it from was beyond him. Somehow she was in charge now. She only had a high school diploma, though she was attending Wagstaff Community College for an Associate in Business Administration and Management. She’d completed a Statistics course and an Ethics course, receiving an “A” in both despite Bob having never seen her do schoolwork since she was about twelve. She was currently on summer break with no intention of taking classes until fall, and now she was the owner of an entire restaurant.  
  
Louise was always fairly mature for her age, but nineteen? Nineteen and owning a restaurant. A restaurant that serves beer. Sure the liquor license expired years ago, but no one kept tabs on that... yet. Not even Hugo, who’d already made a point to point and laugh in Bob’s face over this. At least it wasn’t Jimmy Pesto, whose sales tanked after a food critic railed him for being the only restaurant in town to ever give him food poisoning. Not to mention the cockroaches. Jimmy Pesto’s was replaced by a freestanding birth center called Midwife Madness: Pre-natal Care and Birth Center. The number of pregnant women and fathers-to-be visiting the area skyrocketed.  
  
“At least you have the memory of Jimmy Pesto’s despair,” said Bob, making a voice for his comb. The entire top of his head was bald now, but that didn’t mean the rest of his hair couldn’t be groomed. He shaved his five o’clock shadow, put on his cleanest clothes, and entered the restaurant at 5:03AM.  
  
“You’re late, Bob!” said Louise, gesturing toward their whopping two customers: Marshmallow and Tina. “That is NOT gonna look good on your monthly report.”  
  
“It’s OK, dad,” said Tina, rubbing her massive belly. “The three of us can wait. I’ve still got some morning sickness that hasn’t passed yet.”  
  
“Good to know, Tina,” said Bob, putting on his apron. “Oh, hey Marshmallow.”  
  
“I’ll take the finest sausage in the house,” said Marshmallow. “And some coffee, with sugar.”  
  
“Coming right up,” said Bob, pouring one coffee for himself and one for Marshmallow. He then got to work in the kitchen while Louise sat in a booth with Rudy and Tina.  
  
“Shouldn’t one of you be at the front counter? You know, to do the money and such?” said Tina.  
  
“Well observed, dear sister,” said Louise, shoving Rudy out of a booth. “What good is a husband who doesn’t haul his lazy butt?”  
  
“I’m hauling, I’m hauling!” said Rudy, dashing behind the counter. He threw on his apron and got started.  
  
“Ugh, restaurant management. Am I right?” said Louise. “Anyway. Why are you even here, Tina? You’re on maternity leave. You should go home and watch TV while you don’t have kids to hog it.”  
  
“It’s complicated,” said Tina.  
  
“How complicated can it be? You’re the one with the melons. You’re the one with the bump. Seems like you should be the one to make the rules!”  
  
“Breakfast!” said Andy, bursting through the front door.  
  
“At sunrise!” said Ollie, on tow.  
  
“Oh, hey Tina,” said Jimmy Jr. the last to come in. Andy and Ollie took a seat at the counter, and Jimmy Jr. took a seat with Tina and Louise. “It’s our coffee date from ten years ago.”  
  
“Wow, you remembered,” said Tina, smiling. Louise groaned as she typed away on her phone.  
  
“It’s too bad you aren’t a one man woman,” said Jimmy Jr., eying Tina’s baby bump like a piece of candy.  
  
“The door is always open, Jimmy Jr., to you. Not to Zeke.”  
  
“Right. No thanks,” said Jimmy Jr.. “Louise, shouldn’t you be working? You own the restaurant now.”  
  
“Oh, gee, I wasn’t aware. Thanks for the memo, Jimmy Jr.. And while we’re at it, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the supreme ruler and bread winner of the Belcher family, that being me. Louise.”  
  
“Yeah, Louise!” said Rudy, after taking Andy and Ollie’s orders.  
  
“I’d like to order a coffee,” said Jimmy Jr.. “Non-dairy creamer if you have it. I’m lactothse intolerant.”  
  
“Whatever speech therapy program your dad put you through, it was a MISERABLE FAILURE! Seriously, you should sue,” said Louise, wiping spit off her face. “I mean, one coffee, coming right up. RUDY!”

  
“Yes, dear,” said Rudy, pouring Jimmy Jr. a cup of coffee.  
  
“Aww, how are all my babies doing?” said Linda, entering the restaurant in jeans and a t-shirt. She made a b-line for Tina and showered her pregnant belly in kisses. “I’m so excited. I’m gonna be a grandma. When is your due date again, sweetie?”  
  
“Two days ago,” said Tina. “My babies were almost Geminis, which would have been appropriate for twins, but also cliche. I feel Cancer suits them better. It’s more unique and multifaceted that way.”  
  
“They’re gonna be so precious. It’s been too long since I’ve held a baby in my arms,” said Linda, wiping a tear away.  
  
“It’ll be interesting to find out if they’re Josh’s, or Darryl’s babies,” said Bob from the kitchen, who had long accepted Tina’s polyamorous preference. What mattered most was that the three of them could afford a studio apartment together, without Bob and Linda's help, and they didn’t even rip each others’ throats out. Josh was the bigger lover of the two, more involved in Tina’s day-to-day life, where Darryl often kept to himself, though he didn’t love Tina any less, and he was more receptive of Tina having multiple lovers. It was only fair. He could only give a woman so much attention. This way, she was happy and he got some independence.  
  
Of course, he was still in denial over the whole pregnancy thing, which Bob wasn’t too keen on, but he was also determined to let that be Tina’s problem. She was a grown woman now, capable of making her own choices. He had to let it be.  
  
“Regardless of who the biological father is, the twins will have two dads,” said Tina, smiling.  
  
“Sometimes we have two dads,” said Andy.  
  
“Shhh, that’s supposed to be a secret,” said Ollie.  
  
“That’s... not a secret,” said Bob, placing Marshmallow’s order on the counter.  
  
“Word on the street says this fine establishment is now serving bacon!” said Gene. “Bacon and eggs! Bacon and eggs! And oh, is that a sausage in your mouth, or are you just happy to see me?”  
  
“Hey, sugar,” said Marshmallow, bending down to kiss Gene on the cheek. He was red and giddy over it.  
  
“I’ll fry up some eggs and bacon in a minute, son,” said Bob, almost complete with Andy and Ollie’s orders: French toast and eggs over easy, identical to the last drop of syrup. Bob made no promises about that last part.  
  
“No free meals, Gene!” said Louise. “You operate machines at Wonder Wharf for monetary compensation, so you can start paying your tab.”  
  
“I HAVE A TAB??” he bellowed.  
  
“No, Gene. You don't have a tab,” said Bob, placing the two French toast dishes on the counter. “Louise, you should take over the counter. I think Rudy needs to use his inhaler.”  
  
“Ugh, FINE!” said Louise, stomping away from the booth. “But if you lot aren’t working then you ARE ordering, eating, and most importantly, paying. Now get out of here and take a puff for me, slacker.”  
  
“Yes... dear...” said Rudy, wheezing. Despite the pain, he was still able to give Louise a kiss on the cheek before taking his inhaler.  
  
\---  
  
“Come one, come all. Geez Louise is open for business and ready to satisfy your insatiable lust for meat!” said Louise, handing Teddy and Mort menus. Rudy was still light-headed from that morning, so Louise let him use his sick time and take the rest of the day off.  
  
“Hey Louise,” said Teddy. “You did a good thing, keeping Bobby’s place open and all. Not a whole lot of kids would have stuck their neck out like that. You’re a good kid.”  
  
“Although I appreciate your sentiment, it’s wasted here in person. Leave us a five star review on Facebook, Yelp, and rave about us locally On the Rag. Oh, and by the way, less chitchat, more order up. This establishment is customers only!”  
  
“Ah, yes ma’am!” said Teddy, ordering a burger. Mort ordered the Turkey Jerky Panini, a new menu item that made Bob groan. Now that the menu was four pages long as opposed to two. There was a lot to remember. Only Bob’s natural talent for cooking saw him through the afternoon rush.  
  
“Game, set, and WHAM BAM SLAM!” Zeke shouted from the front door. “J-Ju wasn’t kidding. These digs are fabulous.”  
  
“The restaurant is exactly the same as it’s always been, Zeke,” said Bob. “Aside from new management.”  
  
“That’s RIGHT!” said Louise. “I’m the boss, and you, Zeke, are either a customer, or you’re gone. Your choice, bucko!”  
  
“Oh ho ho ho, I like her. She’s got fire in her SOUL! Let’s have a menu.”  
  
“Here’s your stupid menu,” said Louise, slamming it down in front of him. “I recommend something that isn’t a burger. Our chef, while decent, is rusty in every non-burger area, so if you could give him something else to practice on, that’d be swell.”  
  
“Louise, stop telling customers not to order burgers,” said Bob.  
  
“Yeah,” said Mort. “He makes fries too.”  
  
“Thanks, Mort...”  
  
“I got a hunkin’ hankerin’ for...” said Zeke, closing his eyes and shoving his finger randomly on the menu. Then he opened his eyes and hooted. “Buffalo chicken tacos. Hot dang, that sounds incredible. Does it come with blue cheese?”  
  
“Sure does,” said Louise. “You want a soda with that?”  
  
“My doc says no sugar, on account of pre-diabetes,” said Zeke, handing his menu to Louise.  
  
“I’ll put you down for diet then,” said Louise, pouring Zeke a diet soda and charging him for it. He didn’t seem to mind.  
  
“Gosh, you sure are a shrewd business woman,” said Teddy, eagerly biting into his burger while Mort enjoyed his panini.  
  
Bob took one look at the order slip and sighed. “Louise, can I talk to you please?”  
  
“You’ll get your four thirty meeting, Bob. Sheesh, I’m not a monster,” said Louise dismissively.  
  
“Now, Louise,” said Bob, and the two of them walked into the basement together without anyone to cover the front counter.  
  
“Louise, we’ve been open eight hours. I’ve been on my feet the entire time. My back is killing me, and this menu is too full. Paninis AND tacos? Are you kidding me?”  
  
“It’s what the people want!” said Louise. “Sheesh, get with the times, Bob.”  
  
“And that’s another thing!” said Bob. “You can buy this restaurant, put your name on it, and prance around like you own the place...”  
  
“I DO own the place.”  
  
“I KNOW!” Bob shouted. “And I’m PROUD, but I’m also very annoyed by your attitude.” He took off his apron and handed it to her. “Call me when I’m your DAD again, because I will not be your BOB.”  
  
“What?” said Louise. “Oh no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to just walk out and leave me with that entire restaurant. I pay your rent now. Including the room you sleep in! Remember when you used that as an excuse to make us work, BOB?”  
  
“We didn’t have a choice, Louise. Would you have rather we been homeless? Starving?”  
  
“I would rather you quit lecturing me and get back into the kitchen, DAD. You’re great at cooking, but you SUCK at leadership! That’s why I had to take over.”  
  
“You can’t make me work from five in the morning until midnight, Louise. If you want to be open that many hours, hire another chef. I’m clocking out.”  
  
“But there is no other chef!” said Louise.  
  
“Ask your mother,” said Bob. “Or Zeke. He has a perfect pallet.”  
  
And with that, Bob was done for the day.  
  
“Great,” said Louise. “Just great. Guess I have to start treating this like an actual job.  
  
“Good news, Zeke,” said Louise, walking back into the restaurant.  
  
“My tacos are ready?”  
  
“Nope, even better.” She tossed him an apron and said, “Congratulations, you’re hired. Welcome to swing shift, swinger!”  
  
“All right! J-Ju’s been on my buns about getting a new job,” said Zeke, throwing the apron on. “One I got now don’t pay squat.”  
  
“Ugh, you expect to be PAID?” said Louise, looking up the rate at which head restaurant chefs are normally paid. She didn’t like what she saw, but she also didn’t like the look on Zeke’s face when she said that. Her only other choice was Linda, though, and that was not OK. “Ooh, I’m just kidding. Of course you’re gonna be paid. Go make yourself that taco that you’re still paying for, champ!”  
  
“Well all right then!” said Zeke, manning the grill at once.  
  
Not moments later did Linda wander down into the restaurant and say, “Louise, what did you do that’s got your father so upset?”  
  
“Nothing, MOM. I guess he didn’t feel like he was getting enough bathroom breaks or something.” She didn’t even look up from her phone.  
  
Linda snatched it away.  
  
“You march your tush right up those stairs and tell Bobby you’re sorry.”  
  
“Give that BACK!” said Louise, grabbing for her phone. Linda was still taller than her, even after all these years, so no dice. “You’re embarrassing me in front of MY customers.”  
  
“Those are Bobby’s customers, toots,” said Linda. “They come here for Bobby’s food and you know it.”  
  
“Actually, I got the panini,” said Mort. Linda shot him a look and he went right back to eating.  
  
“I have to maintain a firm grasp on this operation, or Bob is totally gonna try to control it. Haven’t you ever seen Kitchen Nightmares? I’m preventing a Ramsey visit by being so firm! By asserting MY leadership!”  
  
“You’re hurting your father’s feelings is what you’re doing, missy,” said Linda, looking down at the phone. She watched part of a Kuchi Kopi cat video on Louise’s facebook page and laughed. Then she got serious again. “Go upstairs and apologize.”  
  
“NEVER!” said Louise, hopping for her phone. She missed and tumbled over a stool, falling flat on her face.  
  
“Apologize to your father and you can have your phone back,” said Linda, leaving the restaurant.  
  
“You’d better go have a heartfelt talk with dad,” said Gene, entering the restaurant. “I don’t know what’s worse, Tina having two boyfriends, me having two boyfriends, or you dictating the restaurant, but I have a hunch that this tops!”  
  
“Oh, you’d know ALL about things that TOP, wouldn’t you?” Louise belted. Zeke hooted from the kitchen. Mort and Teddy were confused. “FINE! I’ll go talk with dad. Happy?”  
  
“Ecstatic!” said Gene, blowing into a kazoo. Louise slapped it out of his hand and told him to either order food, or leave.  
  
So she stomped up the stairs of her old home, furious that her parents still didn’t trust her judgment despite saving the family business, and seeing Bob in tears on the couch did little to calm that fury, but she was surprised.  
  
“Hey, dad,” said Louise, taking a seat beside him. “Sorry about all that. I just kinda let the power get to my head, you know?”  
  
“Don’t apologize just because your mother tells you to,” said Bob. “Apologize if you mean it.”  
  
“What makes you think I don’t mean it?”  
  
“Well, you apologized right off the bat, for one.”  
  
“You’re crying, dad. What am I supposed to do? Kick you while you’re down?”  
  
“You’ve been doing that all day, Louise,” said Bob. “Listen, I’ve owned the restaurant since before you were born. My life, my dream, was put into that restaurant. When I couldn’t make ends meet I was devastated, but then you outbid everyone and saved the business. I felt relieved, until you started enforcing too many changes at once.  
  
“I’m old, Louise. I’m gray and balding. I can’t drink alcohol anymore and my back is killing me. My youngest daughter is a high school graduate and business owner. It’s so much to take in, Louise. You have no idea.”  
  
“I know, dad,” said Louise, patting his knee. “I promise I’ll never call you Bob again. Now will you please be my morning chef? Zeke’s got the night life covered.”  
  
“Wow. You hired Zeke?” said Bob. “Are you paying him an actual wage?”  
  
“Unfortunately,” said Louise. “Don’t get any funny ideas, pop. You get room and board and free coffee.”  
  
“And food.”  
  
“No promises.”  
  
“Aww,” said Linda, wiping a tear away from her eye. She dove in and hugged them both before either of them could get away. Louise shrieked. “It’s good to see my burger babies kiss and make up. Here’s your phone, Louise.”  
  
“YES!” she said. “THE POWER IS MINE. SO LONG, SUCKERS!”  
  
She dashed down the stairs back to her restaurant, and Bob sighed.  
  
“I don’t think I can do this,” he said.  
  
“Oh, hush, Bobby. Having Louise run the store is good for us. We’ll get more vacations, more time to visit Gayle. Oh, it’ll be fun! I’ll open up a bottle of wine to celebrate.”  
  
“I can’t drink, Lin,” said Bob, but she was already in the kitchen, singing while she poured her first glass.


End file.
